Hungry Hungry Husbands

Dear Ann, 

Part of your complete breakfast?

My husband stops at the grocery store on the way home from work and this is all he buys. 

Am I married to an 11 year old?

Send help,

Homeboy’s Wife

Dear Homeboy's Wife, 

While I'm guessing your husband is not 11, he may very well be high. The only thing wrong with this picture is the clear lack of salsa and guacamole, but at least he bought some chips that help support a good cause, so you can pat him on the head for that (in a totally non-condescending way).

The mixing and matching of dips is an essential skill in a life partner. I have included here one example of a perfect snack pairing, available at your nearest Trader Joe's:

Good idea, or the best idea?

Shopping can sometimes bring unexpected challenges, though, so tell him to look out for products that are over 1800 years past the expiration date, like this one:

SELL BY 01/02/143??

Perhaps you should get him some snack flashcards, and go over them before he goes near a grocery store again. Sometimes you have to give people a second chance. Or a third. Or a fourth. I used to only know how to buy expensive cheeses while avoiding student loans. Now I have learned about things called coupons. Not that I have used coupons, but acknowledging their existence is the first step toward savings, right? 

Have your husband join you in saying three Hail Mommies, and then take a toke of whatever your husband’s smoking (if you live in one of these places) and feed each other some Nutella and chips.

Yours munchingly,

Ann Abler