Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Hungry Hungry Husbands

Dear Ann, 

Part of your complete breakfast?
My husband stops at the grocery store on the way home from work and this is all he buys. 

Am I married to an 11 year old?

Send help,

Homeboy’s Wife

Dear Homeboy's Wife, 

While I'm guessing your husband is not 11, he may very well be high. The only thing wrong with this picture is the clear lack of salsa and guacamole, but at least he bought some chips that help support a good cause, so you can pat him on the head for that (in a totally non-condescending way).

The mixing and matching of dips is an essential skill in a life partner. I have included here one example of a perfect snack pairing, available at your nearest Trader Joe's:

Good idea, or the best idea?

Shopping can sometimes bring unexpected challenges, though, so tell him to look out for products that are over 1800 years past the expiration date, like this one:

SELL BY 01/02/143??
Perhaps you should get him some snack flashcards, and go over them before he goes near a grocery store again. Sometimes you have to give people a second chance. Or a third. Or a fourth. I used to only know how to buy expensive cheeses while avoiding student loans. Now I have learned about things called coupons. Not that I have used coupons, but acknowledging their existence is the first step toward savings, right? 

Have your husband join you in saying three Hail Mommies, and then take a toke of whatever your husband’s smoking (if you live in one of these places) and feed each other some Nutella and chips.

Yours munchingly,
Ann Abler


  1. Screw the chips. Get me the Nutella and a giant-ass spoon (to go along with my giant-ass ass) and let the munchin' commence!!!

    1. Screw the chips?? That's blasphemy in my book (and by book, I mean menu at any Mexican restaurant). :) The war between sweet & savory is one that I (gladly) fight every day. What flavor to finish with? That is a question we must all answer for ourselves. Or just keep eating - that's the other answer. :)

  2. I agree on the salsa and guacamole. They are in and of themselves two of the 4000 essential food groups.

    Snarky sent me over and I am glad she did. Except she didn't give me any salsa or guacamole to bring with me.

    1. All hail Snarky!! Thanks for reading, and please feel free to peruse more posts. Gather some friends, and I'll bring the dip! Hmmm...I sense a sponsored post coming on. ;) Nothing would be more appropriate than me pushing chips & dip.