Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Touch Down

Dear Ann,
By the time my husband gets home from work, I feel too tired for any physical action with him. Also, after having my toddler on me all day, I feel a little “touched out.” What can I do to regain my sexual side?
-Out of Touch

Dear Out of Touch,

Feeling “touched out” is a totally real thing, but it’s not just your toddler that’s doing it. It’s all the dishes, laundry, diapers, toys, and floor cheerios you are touching as well that are physically wearing you out. I advocate that men get a 6 week postpartum checkup too. In order to be cleared for sex they must read and abide by your dearest Ann Abler’s forthcoming pamphlet, “Laundry is the New Foreplay.” If your husband put in an hour of housework while you lounged goddess-like on your toy free couch (stuff them in the cushions if you must) I guarantee that amorous feelings would arise. Educate your husband on the libido inducing effects of clean-sink-dishes-put-away and bed-made-with-all-yes-all-the-pillows. Already have one of those husbands that does the housework? Wine instead of whine, my love, and jump his bones. Say six hail mommies and don’t forget the birth control. Ciao.

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