Fancy Feet

Dear Ann,

A friend of mine told me her husband rubs her feet and recites her poetry each night while she’s nursing the baby to sleep. How can I convince my husband to do the same?

-Jealous in Jersey

Dear Jealous,

First, how long has your friend lived in this commune somewhere outside of Portland? Or is it the Land of Make Believe? Do they also sleep atop musical rainbows that stream Cat Stevens and Van Morrison?

Second, back here on planet earth, focus on the things your husband does do, like make the baby laugh, sometimes scoop the kitty litter, and sometimes put the seat back down. Tell your friend you hate her and her perfectly massaged feet and doting husband.  If you can figure out how to get your husband to do this on the daily, well.....this advicetainment column is yours. I retire.

Say 1 hail mommy and get a pedicure sometime this year.