Do I really "like" my toddler?

Dear Ann Abler,

I give out more likes on Facebook than I do hugs to my toddler. Is this normal? In my defense, he really doesn't seem to be putting material out there that could go viral.

Help,
#Momfail

Dear #Momfail,

Until your baby starts building a better "brand" for himself, he can continue to expect low likes, both online and off. Help him understand that this is a competitive marketplace of memes, images, and pithy platitudes. Perhaps you can work on some trademark poses (e.g. peace sign, tongue out, sunglasses, etc.), or show him how hipster babies have cornered the market on cuteness. Try dressing your toddler like this kid below, and see if that elicits any emotion in your chest or head area.

No? Try this one:

Still nothing? When all else fails, break out the overalls - they make all babies look adorable. That should trigger the hugging impulse.

Say two hail mommies, and order some sushi tonight!

Ciao.