Saturday, November 1, 2014

10 Signs You May Have Some 'Splaining to do the Morning After Halloween

Dear Ann Abler,

Last year I took my Breaking Bad costume a little too far and almost ended up becoming a drug king-pin.  How will I know if I've gone too far this Halloween?


Dear Double Dubs,

Here are the 10 signs you might have some 'splaining to do the day after Halloween:
Photo credit: Pia Schiavo-Campo
  1. The last thing you remember was riding your HR Director around the reception area while singing Ginuwine's "My Pony." 
  2. You wanted a Frozen-inspired outfit, but you didn't think your solid block of ice costume all the way through. #Frozen #Blueballs #LetItGo
  3. You woke up to find the karaoke DJ tied to your bed with a microphone cord, and you faintly recall requesting Monster Mash ad nauseum, and to no avail.
  4. Your Fairy costume looked a lot cuter last night than it does this morning on your walk home, with smeared mascara and wings falling by your feet like a tore-up Tinkerbell. #HalloWalkOfShame
  5. It's 10 am on November 1st and you're still drunkenly schooling strangers on the correct choreography of MJ's Thriller video. "It's stomp stomp stomp, then claw hands, claw hands, claw hands!" 
  6. You hear your sweet child's voice saying, "where did all my candy go?" as you roll around in wrappers clutching your stomach and cursing Reese's.
  7. You remember thinking your girlfriend's Wonder Woman lasso of truth actually worked, and you confessed some pretty crazy crap. 
  8. Your new nick name is Pukey McBarfinhurl.
  9. You toilet papered Kirk Cameron's house because he  handed-out Bible quotes instead of candy, and you know he could have afforded that King-Sized sh*t.
  10. You overheard some neighbors saying, "At least you didn't pull a Stacey". You are Stacey. There are no other Staceys in the neighborhood. "Pulling a Stacey" is now "a thing."
If any of these ring true, just remember that denial and avoidance go a long way. Shifting the blame should also be in your toolkit of "best practices" if you are a regular reader of Dear Ann Abler.  Next Halloween, you may want to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Now go get some bacon and laugh-cry into your bottomless mimosa. You've got to replenish and rally for that other Halloween party tonight.


The ghost of your Ann Abler


  1. Replies
    1. Agreed! I've heard of bacon in a Bloody Mary...I might have to do a review of this for my readers. :)