Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Kid's Jokes are Killing Me

Dear Ann Abler,

Any advice on how to get through this preschool phase of really bad joke telling? I don't want to burst his bubble and tell him he's just not funny, but seriously? "What do chickens eat for breakfast?" I begin to answer in earnest and he tells me to ask "What?" Glancing at the chandelier above my head, he answers, "Lightbulbs." Oi. It goes on for hours, or feels like it, anyway.

~ NO LOL-ing

Dear NO LOL,

First question: Do you live in one of these dark green states? 

If yes, problem solved! Just walk the streets of a super stoney city in Washington for a free contact high, or get your own green garden growing in Colorado. You’ll soon find ridiculous riddles and nonsequitor punch lines quite comical. Why did the chicken walk into the bar? Because gorillas. Hilarious! Why? Because you’re high.

If you live in one of the light green states and have "anxiety," "insomnia," or "writer’s cramp" (yes writer’s cramp), simply see the paragraph above, and just play along with the law as it applies to your “chronic” problem.

"Lightbulbs!" *drops mic*
Not friends with puff the magic dragon or Mary Jane? Don’t discount the drank. Encourage your little one to host his very own Open Mic Night – with a two-drink minimum for you, of course! Make it a drinking game and take a sip every time you feel the urge to roll your eyes. If you find yourself heckling the poor kid, it may be time to kick yourself out of the club.

If you’re interested in options other than drugging yourself until you find your child amusing, I recommend taking a look back. Have your boy spend some quality time with the comedic legends of the silent era. Key word = silent. Way before Tyra Banks ‘invented’ smizing (smiling with the eyes), actors like Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton mastered facial expressions and prat falls for the amusement of all. Tell him the funniest things are sometimes the silent-est things. That way, he’ll keep it down and hone his physical comedy skills. Maybe he’ll be Generation Z’s comedic giant!

Now go enjoy those jokes and thank me by sharing the best (worst) ones in the comments section or on your Dear Ann Abler’s Facebook page

You're welcome,
Your Ann Abler

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