Last year I took my Breaking Bad costume a little too far and almost ended up becoming a drug king-pin. How will I know if I've gone too far this Halloween?
W.W.
Dear Double Dubs,
Here are the 10 signs you might have some 'splaining to do the day after Halloween:
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| Photo credit: Pia Schiavo-Campo |
- The last thing you remember was riding your HR Director around the reception area while singing Ginuwine's "My Pony."
- You wanted a Frozen-inspired outfit, but you didn't think your solid block of ice costume all the way through. #Frozen #Blueballs #LetItGo
- You woke up to find the karaoke DJ tied to your bed with a microphone cord, and you faintly recall requesting Monster Mash ad nauseum, and to no avail.
- Your Fairy costume looked a lot cuter last night than it does this morning on your walk home, with smeared mascara and wings falling by your feet like a tore-up Tinkerbell. #HalloWalkOfShame
- It's 10 am on November 1st and you're still drunkenly schooling strangers on the correct choreography of MJ's Thriller video. "It's stomp stomp stomp, then claw hands, claw hands, claw hands!"
- You hear your sweet child's voice saying, "where did all my candy go?" as you roll around in wrappers clutching your stomach and cursing Reese's.
- You remember thinking your girlfriend's Wonder Woman lasso of truth actually worked, and you confessed some pretty crazy crap.
- Your new nick name is Pukey McBarfinhurl.
- You toilet papered Kirk Cameron's house because he handed-out Bible quotes instead of candy, and you know he could have afforded that King-Sized sh*t.
- You overheard some neighbors saying, "At least you didn't pull a Stacey". You are Stacey. There are no other Staceys in the neighborhood. "Pulling a Stacey" is now "a thing."
Now go get some bacon and laugh-cry into your bottomless mimosa. You've got to replenish and rally for that other Halloween party tonight.
Spookily,
The ghost of your Ann Abler
